Faith

In writing today’s blog post I find it hard to know where to aim my thoughts.  With so much going on in the world I feel at times like my ‘problems’ or ‘complaints’ are very much first world problems.  Problems created by my own choices and decisions that have been made out of insecurity, vulnerability and fear yet also made out of trust, love and desire.  Desire to want to share my heart and soul.  The core or who I am with someone who is willing and has the courage to do the same.  Yes, it’s takes courage to be in a relationship.  Damn straight!  Something that I realise I have been given bucket loads of or I wouldn’t have made it through the last 10 months.  I could not be more grateful. 

So I struggle with writing a post about life here in the western world where privilege and freedom are so much taken for granted, at least by me.  Children are being be-headed, families are living on mountain tops cut off from food and water supplies, the basic necessities of life, because of their faith.  Their life is unfathomable to me and should be unfathomable to them as well, but it’s not.

So how does this affect me?  How do I deal with my own ‘stuff’ in light of what is happening to others in the world and not get bogged down in self pity or not become absorbed by the sadness and weight of what the last 10 months have brought?

Faith…

I have no other answer nor do I want one.  It is that simple and it is enough for me.  My faith is ‘perfect’ as it is given to me but ‘imperfect’ by the time I live it out.  Gods desire is not for me to stumble or to be afraid but to rest in the faith he has given me, despite my circumstances.  I am not  one for sprouting cliches so please don’t read this as being that.  It is my true experience that faith has got me through.  I have been held.

The next step is just another one along the path I have chosen to take.  One in which I hope and pray that God continues to walk with me.  I am leaving behind everything I know to be familiar to embrace something completely new, foreign and filled with so many uncertainties.  It’s amazing how you can dream of something for so long and when it becomes a reality, it can look and feel so much different to what you thought or expected it to be.  All the positives suddenly become what ifs.  What if this doesn’t happen?  What if I don’t fit in?  What if I don’t find a new church home?  What if I don’t find a job?   What if I'm rejected?  What if I’m lonely…?

What if I stop being my own worst enemy and just have faith and realise it's not all about me?!

(I feel like I need to insert a joke here to lighten things up but I have never been good at remembering them so perhaps just pretend I told a beauty and laugh anyway ;) )

Friday is a big day, but no bigger than any other day.  I will get up, I will drive to my new home and I will embrace what God has provided for me.  The same as I do and have done for any other day.  Yes this is a bit different, it’s a new life, a new home but it’s still God’s provision and he is still with me.  I will be grateful and I will be filled with hope that God has it in hand and for my brothers and sisters who are being persecuted all over the world, I will pray and I will stand strong in honour of them and I will fight for them.

It’s not about my circumstances, it’s about my God.

J xx

Little Ms Indpenedent

I have always been an independent kind of person.  At times it's had me labelled as stubborn although it's usually when I don't do what the other person thinks I should do rather than allowing me to be me.  As a consequence I have always had to fight just to be myself or make myself heard and was no doubt rather ungracious in my execution...  I was never allowed too  much autonomy in my earlier years.  As long as I fit within what was acceptable then I was acceptable, otherwise I was being stubborn or just plain difficult.  Now I get that there are some things growing up that you just have to do whether you like it or not because others know best.  That's not what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about being you, making choices and decisions that define who you are as a person.  Gaining respect for who you are and being in relationships where you are loved and accepted for who you are and not having to fit into someone else ideal of who you should be.

The consequences of that can be disasterous.  Becoming a people pleaser because that's what gets you accepted and loved.  Not knowing who you are and how to make choices because it's always been done or manipulated for you.  Being easily manipulated.  Afraid to ask for help because you've been told what you should and shouldn't and can and can't do for so long that asking for help seems weak and confirms in your mind you are incapable.  When help is accepted, feeling like you've failed and continually need to show gratitude for putting someone out and being a burden.  I could go on....

Anyone relate?

As a result, I have always loathed asking for help which has made me look like I don't need or want it.  What a complex life we create out of our insecurities.  I have missed out on a lot by appearing so outwardly confident and capable but I have been so badly burned by being vulnerable in the wrong places that sometimes it's hard to know how to get the balance right.

If I had trusted my instincts and listened to my heart and balanced it out with my head I could have saved myself a whole lot of heartache, and not caused so much for others...

I am having to ask for help more at this time of my life than I have ever needed to before.  And that is confronting all of these things.  Am I a burden?  Do people really love me or do they just feel sorry for me?  How do I show gratitude?  Seriously, this should be simple stuff right? 

I need support, we all do, and we need to find it in a safe and loving environment where we know people love and accept us for who we are.  Finding that place can be tough and there can be many dead ends along the way.  I find that starting over in middle age is hard because so many adult friendships have already been established over a period of years and it's hard for them to let someone else in.  You don't have that history connecting you and let's face it, we are all busy and who needs another person in their already busy life right?

I don't have answers, sorry!  I ask myself these questions regularly because I am so aware of trying to do the right thing because that's what I was taught.  No wonder I am tired and sometimes just want to tell everyone to go away (being very polite here... it's how I was taught to be!) 

I know I am capable of many things but I can't do everything and none of us can.  It doesn't mean I am needy it just makes me human.  I will no doubt have challenges in my next move to my new home.  From packing up this one to setting up the new one.  And I will no doubt have to ask for help and I have been very kindly offered help from some wonderful friends.  Accepting it is a humbling thing to do and perhaps that's what I am meant to learn from all of this rambling... be humble, be grateful and be generous in return for when others need help too.  That after all is what relationships are all about.  Give and take, supporting and caring for one another.  Loving each other through the good times and the bad.  I need to start trusting my instincts on who are the right people to share life with.  Looking for God's provision in practical ways and embracing it as an act of his love for me and being his hands and feet for others when they need it too. 

I don't find it easy but I am learning and realising it's ok to be me.  I am ok, even though I sometimes fail.  I am still ok.

J xx

God's sweet spot

Being a Christian is a humbling experience.  At least it should be or there's something not quite right with the journey.  Where to begin...

I'm not up for sharing details, nor do I feel pressured to but I can pretty much guess you have an idea that the last year has been one of the most difficult I have had to endure.  Sure, life has been tough before but there is something unique about this part of the journey that has had me floored and on my knees in ways that I haven't experienced before.  My life has been smashed to pieces, pulled apart and left like pieces of a mosaic lying around me which I have had no idea of how or where to begin to put it back together.  (A vision that was given to me by a beautiful friend 7 years ago!)  Nor have I had the energy or motivation.  Grief is such an all consuming thing and it has been faithful friends who have reminded me that I am way harder on myself than I should be. 

God has me in the palm of his hand, right where he wants me.  Humbled, broken but not alone.  He is the one putting things back together.  He is the one asking me to rest in his 'sweet spot' even though being there means grieving things I have lost.  Even though it means dealing with pain and trusting him alone for my future.  It is indeed a bitter 'sweet' spot to be in.  But I wouldn't have it any other way.  Don't get me wrong!  I would love to be at the other end of this crap, I would love to be experiencing pure joy and elation at having come through but there is something in the journey that I don't want to miss.  I don't want to miss his comfort, his walking with me, his overwhelming love, his desire to put my life back together the way he wants it to be.  He is lavishing me with love, grace and compassion and I couldn't be more humbled, grateful or at a loss for words in how to express what he is doing in my life.  I am learning more than I have the time to make note of but he is burning it into my heart and soul.  Funny thing is, it's not just about me.  He is giving me something so beautiful that I know it's not just for me.  When the time is right, He will ask me to share it with others.  He will ask me to open my heart (and most probably my home!) to bring to others what he has given to me.

But for now, he is asking me to rest... and I am learning to do just that.

I am learning to find joy in the little things.  I am learning to take the pressure off and to wait until God's timing has things perfectly in place.  I am learning to trust that if I don't make something happen 'right now' it doesn't mean I am going to miss out.  He's got it covered and will bring it about in his time.  Thank the Lord because I have so far done a great job at rushing and messing up things in my life and yet even that is ok.  He can restore and he will. 

Sitting, waiting, resting and trusting in his timing, his perfect plan and his amazing grace.  There's nowhere else I'd rather be...

J xx

Jesus wept...

I went away on the weekend.  Stayed at a gorgeous little hut in the middle of nowhere, 10k's down a dirt road along the Murrumbidgee river on a cattle station.  Absolute bliss!  What I encountered there was humbling, heartbreaking and inspiring.  While there I met someone who was quite possibly the most broken person I've ever met.  Their life story is incredible.  What they have experienced and endured in this life has them begging for God to take them home and asking me to pray the same.  In the end, I almost joined them in that prayer for their life.  But I couldn't. I just couldn't....... I knew in that moment they had lost sight of the good things in their life and I wanted them to see those things again.  Maybe I had no right to think like that for someone else when they were so tired and in so much pain... but I couldn't give up on them.

I wept with them, tears for their brokenness that connected right into my own.  I prayed for them and with them, begging God through my tears to ease their pain.  My heart broke at the look of pain in their face. Physical, spiritual and emotional pain.  Physical pain that has been with them for 36 of their 56 years and will be with them until they are gone from this earth.  What they call an 'ugliness' inside that has them too scared to stay in the one place for too long and let anyone too close.  Yet all I saw was true beauty in the pain.  I saw someone with so much life left to still live and so much beauty in who they are to share with others.  This is what my faith, and your faith, is all about.  Helping others find this without diminishing what they are going through and have to endure.  It’s not about ‘tough love’, it’s about sacrificial love.

When Jesus wept with Mary and Martha at the death of Lazarus, it wasn't because he saw no end to their grief and loss.   Jesus knew he could and would raise Lazarus from the dead and rejoice with them in their joy!  But before he could do that, he had to enter into their pain and weep with them as they wept.  And therein lies the key for me.  If you want to share my joy, go with me into my pain.  If you want to go with me into my pain, you need to acknowledge and enter into your own.  If you can't do that, then you cannot possibly hope to help others on a level that truly brings opportunity for healing and wholeness and a chance to show real love.  And I don't want shallow.  Such a challenge.....

I know that my own brokenness is not just about me.  I know I am called to walk with the broken. I am called to go to the depths and help them crawl back out on hands and knees if need be.  I am called to share in their joy and to share my own.   And I cannot do that in my own strength.  I have to keep my eyes on Him.

The gratitude that this person showed to me for having been there with them I know helped to bring about some level healing within itself.  Are they still in pain?  Absolutely!  But they are not alone.  Someone else dared to enter into and acknowledge their pain.  It wasn’t easy, it hurts to be with others like that but it wasn’t about me… Their faith and humility is absolutely inspiring.  Their acknowledgement of Gods sovereignty and righteousness in their life is challenging.  Their ability to genuinely repent is confronting and reminds me of some of the great men and women of the bible.

I am genuinely challenged and overwhelmed by their life and attitude towards it and their faith in the midst of such raw pain.  I feel privileged to have met them and honoured to have prayed with them.  God can turn any meeting into a divine appointment.

It has left me knowing how much more I am in need of God in my own life if I am to do what He calls me to do.  I am aware of my own selfish ambition, even when it is clothed in good intentions,   it's still just another form of running away...  I am aware of how much we all walk covered by His grace and mercy and that we will never truly know what it cost Him to save us  until we are called home.

Hope, that is what I have to offer.  Not my hope but hope from God that he sees all, knows all and has got it covered.  Maybe you don't agree with what I'm saying, maybe you don't understand or it doesn't seem to make sense.  It's ok, these are just my rambling thoughts that I wanted to write down and share.  God is moving, and he is moving fast and drawing people to himself.  I am so far from worthy, we all are yet I am willing to be accepted by him in my brokenness and to say 'do your best with me Lord (and thank you for bridging the gap for when I fall short!) 

It's not about presenting a perfect image of myself to the world, it's about being real, honest, loving and humble enough to let God do his work in and through me anyway.  J xx

Black dogs...

My blog has slowly evolved from just blogging because I enjoy photography and writing, to being about my journey through grief and depression to now finally having an awesome purpose - raising funds for Black Dog Institute to help with education and awareness and treatment of mental health issues.

The last 12 months have been anything but simple, easy or fun!  I am not complaining, just stating a truth.  If you read back through my earlier posts you will gain a certain degree of understanding of what the journey has been and still is.  I am still emotionally and mentally exhausted and at times broken.  The smallest thing sets me off into tears and a downer just when I think I'm nearly through it all.  So why undertake such a massive ride, by myself, when I am still learning to control my Ducati Monster?

Purpose
Hope
Focus
Growth
Courage
Resilience

It's not just about me!  Our journey never is just about us.  It has to have a purpose beyond the grieving, beyond the depression and beyond the feeling of hopelessness that it will never end.  It has to give hope to others who have been through or are experiencing the same thing.  Otherwise, what is it worth?

It's also about grace... God's unending, unconditional, abundant grace.  I will talk about His grace until I can talk no more.  I will talk about His love until I run out of words to express it.  Then I will ask him to show it through me in the things that I do.  I am no saint, so far from it that it grieves me at times.  But God is not asking me to be.  He has covered me with his son Jesus and that's all I need. 

Years ago when I was first diagnosed with depression, I was absolutely convinced that God didn't love me, didn't want me and had completely abandoned me.  And, that it would never change... There is a whole other story in there that I hope to share one day but my point for now is that I am so far removed from that person who I was simply because he didn't give up on me.  I am also completely convinced of his love for me that I can finally, for the first time, be free to be me and know that it is enough.

I could honestly go on for hours about how far he has brought me through and will continue to bring me through.  I'll try to space it out over a few posts though so as not to lose you ;)

I am stoked with the support I have received so far and I appreciate those of you who have shown concern.  Please be assured I am being looked after, I am being careful in the planning and will be getting in a lot of practice!   I am not on my own in this or I couldn't do it and I am so excited for what is ahead not just on the ride but in the lead up to it and for what God has planned long after the ride is over.

J xx

dreams

I have had two dreams/desires over the years that have always stuck with me.  One has been to buy a motorbike and ride around Australia for a few months.  The other has been to open a Bed & Breakfast and to also be able to use it as a weekend retreat for women who just need a break from everyday life because of difficult circumstances.  Both those dreams, God willing, are about to become my reality!

It's taken me a while, I can be a slow learner, but I've realised that if I want my dreams to become reality I have to not be afraid to follow the true desires of my heart and to not be afraid to search where those desires are coming from.  On the surface those dreams and desires can look selfish to others and even feel selfish within myself but that's where the courage to search for what's really going on begins.  Not to give justification or to defend those decisions but to know that they are coming from somewhere real and honest and not based on what you think you should do or what others expect from you.  The only person I truly care about being on my side at the end of the day is God.  I find he is much less judgemental and critical and far more compassionate and understanding than I am even to myself.  I understand the wisdom of seeking out wise counsel from those that truly know me and understand where I am coming from because without their support, I could not be doing what I am doing.  But ultimately, the buck stops with me and my relationship with God.  And I'm ok about that.

My point?  Don't give up on your dreams!  I have been through one of the worst times over the last year and never dreamed I would be embracing life the way I am and making some exciting, wonderful and adventurous plans... albeit scary and challenging and confronting as well!  But that's one of the things I love about it.  I like to be stretched and challenged, to keep learning and growing and encouraging others to do the same.  Having been brought up with so much fear instilled into my life about just about everything, it is pure freedom to realise I don't have to live like that.

I am finding this time in my life to be incredibly lonely and at times that is crippling and brings me undone.  But I have a learned to be resilient.  (To bounce back up in a way that has nothing to do with the oncoming of middle age spread ;) )   I love where my life is heading, I love the opportunities I have been given and I am incredibly grateful for them and for the way God has just flung open doors to get me to where I am today.  I have never felt his presence more or his walking beside me, leading me, even when I'm sure he must just throw his head in his hands and say 'here she goes again' and has to summon up more angels to follow where I tread haha!  But that's ok because his grace and love and desire to see me live a fulfilled life is way above anything I care to do or places I want to go. And he knows my heart...

These desires are His desires.  I am convinced of that because I am doing it in the face of real fear.  Fear of failure, fear of becoming that insecure, shy teenage girl that I always was and is still very much a part of me that I am constantly learning to care for.  Fear of letting others down who believe in me.  Fear or never fulfilling my dreams and living an empty life.  It is His strength that sees me through, that gives me courage and helps me to embrace life in the face of grief and hurt and pain. 

I am so grateful for the encouragement I have received about my new home and my biking adventure.  God places us in positions where we are not alone because he created us to be in community.  I have reconnected with old friends who have been instrumental in helping me be who I am today and I have been embraced by new friends who have already impacted my life in such a short space of time.  I see him building new community around me and I am humbled and thankful.

I kind of feel like this has been a bit of a long winded and slightly gushy (sorry!) post today but I hope you see the heart of what I am trying to say and if you don't, that's ok too because He does and He is my all in all, my rock, my shelter and always my salvation.

Love ya... J xx

So...not...ready......

You know that place where God is taking you somewhere, and you're just not ready???  Oh God, I'm so...not...ready!

Leaps of faith that seem impossible or even insurmountable.  Knowing it is only by the grace of God that I go there because I am so...not...worthy.  Knowing the words I write are coming from a place that only He can touch and inspire. That only He is allowed to reach into for fear of becoming more broken, more incapable and needing more of his grace when I've  already taken so much!

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

I don't understand so much in this journey and yet I understand this... He alone is my rock and salvation.  He alone loves me with an unfailing love that never let's me go.  That alone puts a smile on my face and joy in my heart, even when it is breaking.  And I will forever love him for it and sing his praises.

J xxx

Joy and heartache.

It's a bittersweet thing to experience joy and heartache at the same time.  Joy at where my life is heading but heartache at remembering I am still grieving what I have left behind.  I have found a freedom I only ever dreamed of but at what cost?  Grief has a habit of reminding us what we have to deal with before rushing head first into a new life.  Not to hold us back but to set us free to move forward.  It's like a tug-o-war over your emotions.  Joy at the places you are moving into then something triggers a memory, an emotion and it's like someone shooting an arrow at your back pulling you into the past to deal with the things that make your heart feel too heavy in you're chest to even carry, let alone rely on to keep beating day after day...

But God is patient and full of compassion and is teaching me to be kind to myself by showing his kindness to me. I cannot believe how he has provided for me when all else has been swept away. Gods provision was there for me (and you) before I was born. Before I was even thought of, before my parents even met, God knew me and his provision was already there with the grace I would need for the choices I would make.  Stupid, vulnerable, broken choices.  What kind of crazy love is that?  And he has placed that kind of love in my heart to heal the broken places and to learn to love myself the way he loves me and to give out of that in love to others. Humbled.

I am nowhere near that place yet, it's a lifelong journey.  But...I will never walk away from the journey.  Not because I am clever or smart or wonderful and think I've got this but because he holds me there with his grace.  And he has shown me this love through others. If you're reading this, you are part of that provision.  Whether I have known you a long time or we have just met. Don't underestimate the power of healing just by being a part of someone else's life.

Today I am having to grieve. And it makes me want to hide.  Hide those vulnerable places that feel so tender and exposed, open wounds that need binding and an overdose of TLC. Thankfully I have a Heavenly Father who's in the business of TLC.  He knows what I need and he will see me through.  And in the process, I will still experience joy at the newness of life filled with promise and hope for the future.  I will keep moving forward.  Praise God!

J xx

Beauty in the brokenness

Brokenness is a place of beauty, but it's not where we are meant to stay.  It's a place of learning, of humility and reminding yourself to breath just to survive.  It's a place where it feels like your heart is bleeding out of your chest and you cannot do a thing to stop it.  It's a place of abundant grace and being carried by the Lord.  It is exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time.  Exhausting because it's all you can do survive and hold onto hope but exhilarating because you actually do it.  The smallest things bring the greatest sense of triumph.  Friends who step up when others turn away.  New experiences and opportunity and confirmation that you are where you're meant to be even when you just want to raise your hands at God and say REALLY???  WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

He knows...

He understands.......

He is my life, my breath, my entire being, my heart and soul.  He reaches down into the darkest places of shame and guilt with the hands of a master surgeon and says 'that has to go, I created you for so much more than this...'

Will you let me heal you?  Will you trust me to love you through this?  Yes, a small and frail 'yes' escape my soul and steps into a new unknown.  For every journey is new.  It brings a new peace, a new joy and a new beginning.  A journey into freedom to cherish and nurture until it has become all it is called to be.  A journey into knowing me through Him.

For how long?  I have no idea but I am trusting him to sustain me for the journey.  It has been horrendous at times and I felt like my heart and soul were irreparably broken.

But then he whispers...

'Nothing is beyond my hand, nothing is beyond my grace, nothing is beyond my mercy and love for you.  Take heart, I am working out a miracle in your life that will shine for others.  You will help others to know me through your brokenness.  Trust me, I love you!'

And so I trust, knowing I am loved and in His hands.

2 Corinthians 4:5-12

Remember, our Message is not about ourselves; we’re proclaiming Jesus Christ, the Master. All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you. It started when God said, “Light up the darkness!” and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful.

If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives.

 

Love J

xxx

the journey

My life has changed more over the last 6 months than I think it has at any other time in my life...  or so it seems.  Every day has been a new journey in and of itself with more than enough to handle for that one day.  It reminds me of this verse in Mathew 6:34 "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  I have lived that out so many times over the last few months and gone to bed each and every day exhausted in ways that have left me feeling like I didn't even have the energy to sleep, but grateful that God has been leading the way.  It's been one of the most difficult times of my life and I have cried tears that I didn't know I had left in me to cry.  I have also rejoiced and laughed with my beautiful girls who have been a constant in my life when so much has been changing.  What an absolute blessing and joy they are... and still the journey continues.

I have had friends that have stepped in where others have walked away and I have learned to rejoice in this and let hurt go which is a life long process we all go through.  God is in control and I constantly fight against my own anger and disappointed to remember this.  And when I do, peace comes.

What lies ahead I have no idea, absolutely no idea but I have learned that I have choices I can make along the way.  Choices in attitude, in what I do with my time, in who I spend that time with.  I have choices in the way I treat others and how I treat myself.  I have learned that I would rather have God confidence than self confidence which can be eroded at the first sign of a harsh word or a turned back.  I have learned that we all make mistakes and need to forgive ourselves as much as we as asked to forgive others. 

Some things I am still stubborn about and grateful for God's patience and mercy and grace to cover me while I work through those things.  

I am grateful for the journey and Gods provision through it for I have no doubt he opened doors that I thought were bolted shut and felt completely overwhelmed as to how I would walk through them.  It was almost like a vision he gave me of him leading the way.  I can still see it, God has an look of absolute joy on his face as he leads me and tells me there is more in store that what I see.  It helped me go on and realise that sometimes help comes from the most unexpected places.

I have a long way to go, we all do, and that's ok.  We are only meant to live one day at a time so all we have to do is think on today and make the best of it for what it is and trust God's hand in it.   

The verse before the one I quoted above says this:  

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you".  Matthew 6:33

To be honest with you, I am not great at this.  As I said I can be stubborn and think I know what's best but I am committed to at least trying to work this out in my life and trusting God will come and meet me there and take my hand for the next part of the journey.  He has set me free and each day is a choice to walk in his freedom.  I know seeking His kingdom is a key in doing that.

Please pray for me as I continue on this journey and I will join you in prayer in my spirit for your journey as well.

Blessings to you... Love Nel xx

Letters of the heart

I am writing letters.  Not necessarily to send but to get my thoughts in order and as part of the therapeutic process of healing and forgiving and asking for forgiveness in return (aint that the hard part!)  They are letters that are sendable though… nothing cruel or harsh though I guess that's open to interpretation on the part of the receiver.

I have yet to write a letter to myself.  I hope to be able to share my deepest, darkest hurts and failings in writing to myself.  Not to persecute myself but to bring it into the light so I can heal and let go.  To give it all to God and trust him to do what he needs to do to help me through.  Kinda scary to think about it but also the safest, most loving and non-judgemental place to go.  I have a feeling it will be very liberating and bring about much freedom.

So here's a little excerpt of what I learned in writing one of the letters to loved ones.  I hope it encourages you in some way.

"How differently life turns out to what we ever hoped or imagined it would be.  No matter how protected we are in early life at some point we have to deal with the harsh realities of living in a broken world full of broken people who seem to have the unending ability to hurt each other.  We’re all the same, we just operate out of a different form of brokenness.  I guess it’s whether or not we can find neutral territory and a space within it to connect with one another on a level that forgets about expectations of ourselves and others and our own needs and desires and just concentrates on being together in the moment.  Of loving unconditionally, without judgement and self confessed opinions"

 

Nel  xx